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  1. I have a parent that is becoming very forgetful, and has cancer. He is on a second marriage, me and my siblings are afraid that she will talk my dad into making changes to his financial decisions concerning beneficiaries, the new wife is not on these accounts, on his investment decisions. I have a durable power of attorney for my dad, but I want to have it so that two signatures are required to make any changes on these accounts. Do I have to have him declared incompetent to do this.

    • That sounds like it could be a stressful situation and I understand wanting to protect your father’s assets. It might depend on the terms of the Durable POA how much power you have. If he has joint accounts, a call to the financial institution to see if the terms of the accounts could be changed by the attorney (you) without any other documentation then you might not need a finding of incapacity.

  2. I need my 101 yr old mom to sign an agreement involving me loaning money to her. (Her estate will reimburse me after she passes). I don’t trust my brother and am concerned that he may try to do something to stop me from collecting. Specifically, he may try to say our mother was not in “stable mine” when she signed the contract. Do I have to worry about this if I have Durable POA? Should I seek an evaluation by a doctor, and if so, can it be a M.D. or does it have to be a psychiatrist (which would be awkward)?

    Thank you!

    • As a Geriatrician, I often get asked about a person’s capacity to make financial decisions, and it’s sometimes difficult for me to form an opinion, especially if I don’t have all of the information about the older person’s assets, obligations, family situation, etc.

      My understanding of a durable POA for property is that you can act on your mom’s behalf with regards to her money, without any other checks or balances, but I can understand you being worried about how this may be perceived in the future.

      The safest thing to do would be to get a legally binding agreement drawn up and witnessed. The lawyer who is helping with that agreement should determine if your mom understands what she’s signing or not.

  3. My mother has been found incompetent by her physician in October of 2019. I was poking around on the court document search and found that my Aunt took my mom to a lawyer and she signed her home over to my sister. There are 3 children in total. This was done completely behind our back and was discernment that had me checking in the first place. My mom can’t be left alone and the same sister that lives with her leaves her home for hours at a time both day and night because I call her and she’s alone? Both my Aunt and Sister were aware that my mom was not able to sigh legal documents. Is this illegal? What could be done?

    • I’m not a lawyer, but my understanding of capacity is that there are different types depending on the choices that a person is making. For example, capacity for property decisions is different than capacity for health care decisions, or shelter decisions. So, a person can be capable of a shelter decision but not of a healthcare decision. It’s not usual that a person is globally incapable, or unable to make any decisions for themselves in any domain.

      If a lawyer helps a person with a property decision, it seems to me that it would be the lawyer’s responsibility to decide that the person is capable to make that decision, and not under any undue influence. It might be hard to prove anything, but talking to an actual lawyer would be a good place to start.

  4. My mother is 81 yrs old and my oldest son who is 25 lives with her. She has monocular disease in both eyes and is practically blind. She has a history of falling. She has had a shunt put in her brain from normal pressure encephalitis. She is pretty with it as far as keeping up with her finances and checkbook but she cannot cook clean bathe by herself at all. So we fill she is vulnerable…she keeps allowing her yard man into her home who she has now befriended. His mother has passed away so she feels the need to be his friend and he in turn has found a mother figure im sure. Anyways, now she is allowing him to come into her home to shower because his water has been cut off…this is not ok with the family because he only comes around when she is home alone!!!! He happens to have an extensive criminal past as well!!! Theft of service, several DUIs, 3 assault charges, an unlawful carry of a weapon, drug charges with paraphernalia and lastly trespassing!! charge. We have told her all of this and explained our concerns….she just says this is my house and i will do as i see fit…he is my friend and Jesus wants me to help him out if im able. We say well hes only been clean a year and you are very vulnerable what if one time he comes in here and is “off the wagon” and were to harm you or steal you blind…her response is so be it or if he kills me i would probably be better off anyways. She doesnt see death as a bad thing per se as my sister died years ago and it would be fine and dandy for their reunion!!! This sounds crazy she isnt suicidal by any means but very flippant when it comes to death.

    • It sounds like a difficult situation and I can understand you being worried about your mom. In general, if a person is mentally competent, they are entitled to make poor decisions, as long as the person can understand their situation, their choices, and the potential consequences of those choices. If family members feel that their older adult relative is not competent and may be at risk, then going the legal route to seek a guardianship might be the way to go.

  5. My Mother is wanting out of this busing home. She is in the early stages of dementia. I am able to care for her 24/7 from her home and this is what she wants. I am excellent elderly people. My brother has POA. Can I take her home without his consent.

    • That would probably depend on whether your mom is capable of making a shelter decision for herself. If she isn’t, then it’s up to her Substitute Decision Maker, who may be your brother. Maybe a family discussion would be helpful.

  6. I have power of attorney for my husband who is in a nursing home – suffering from Parkinson’s Disease and dementia. My questions is does he have the right to refuse medical treatment prescribed by his neurologist even though it could help him immensely. The nursing home staff tell me they can’t make him do it if he doesn’t want to. Is this true?

  7. My 90-year-old Father has been leasing a home in a 55+ senior community for 1-3/4’s years. He has dementia and it is getting worse. I sent a certified letter to the landlord telling him that my Father has health problems and that moving forward it will be necessary that we live together and that my Father would like to terminate the lease 2 1/2 months early prior to the lease contract’s 1-year lease end. The landlord sent a very long and detailed threatening letter to my Father saying he would sue my Father if he “breached” the lease contract 2 1/2 months early, and that he would sue him if he attempted to sublet the home during the remaining 2 1/2 months of the lease , and that he would sue him if he damaged the home. What legal recourse do we have? Can we legally get out of the lease 2 1/2 months early with a note from my Father’s neurologist detailing that my father cannot live alone anymore?

    • Hi Emily, and I’m very sorry to hear about your difficulties. I am not a lawyer, but it sounds like you might need one to sort this out. As a geriatrician, I do get asked to provide letters about my patients’ medical issues all the time, and I assume these letters can be helpful in allowing them to avoid some legal prosecution. Best of luck.

  8. I am POA for HC for my Dad. It has been activated for about a year now. My father ended up moving in with us after my brother (original POA) decided to move to FL. My Dad needs 24 hr care and its beginning to take a toll on my marriage, kids and work. I have begun to looked for alternative living arrangements. However, my fathers paperwork says he does not want to go to a nursing home or community based residential facility. Am I able to override that? Do I have any options?

    • Hi Dawn. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It was probably very helpful that your dad made some of his wishes known, but that puts you in a tough spot. It’s a common scenario, I even made a video about it. I am not a lawyer, and it probably varies from state to state, but I think that if your dad truly needs that level of care, and you are acting in his best interest, you will have to do what he was hoping to avoid and find a place that will provide what he needs to stay well.